Just some Sharing~~

I’m feeling very upset and tired now. Today is my 1st time to lead the worship team in Sg. Ara Baptist Church. I have been worship leader at the age of 14 in my own church. I’m not trying to show off or whatever, but I think I have done my best today.

I’am so nervous until I can’t sleep tight last night, I keep on thinking what I’m going to do today.
I keep on telling myself not to be nervous and it’s better for me to sleep early than imagine all kind of nonsense. I just can’t help to be nervous. It’s a totally different church, different people and different way.

I appreciate the church for giving me the chance to serve. It’s not easy, I know, to give the opportunity to the newbie to lead the “worship leader” role. I really think that I’ve done my best and after the Sunday Service, I still think that I’ve done a great job. I got a lot of good feedback and of course, I’m happy. Not to say I’m proud but happy in a way that I’ve done things well.
There’s one particular feedback that really make me think about it over and over.
“It” is saying (sorry, no offend, I’m not trying to objectify the person, just that I don’t want to make the person’s gender obvious, so I use “it”) that “Well, perhaps you have done quite well today and I could see the potential in you. But, somehow I think I can’t feel the existence of the Holy Spirit through your leading. Perhaps you’re not well-prepared”.

Actually, I feel very hurt at that time. It’s assumption that “I’m not well-prepared” hurts a lot. I mean you could say things like you have space of improvement or I believe you can do it better next time. “I think maybe you’re not well-prepared” really hurt me. I mean how you judge a person to say that he/she is not well-prepared when you’re not with he/her when she’s preparing the whole thing?

That’s my 1st thought when it’s talking to me. I’m quite upset but I manage to calm myself and show a very calm look and even to discuss the whole situation with it. After the conversation, I’m feeling very depress and I just wish I could find someone to talk about it. Is it the worship leader’s role to make the audiences feel the existence of the Holy Spirit? I thought my job is to lead the audiences to worship God and somehow the audiences have to play their role? All the thoughts keep running on my mind. I can’t stop myself from feeling upset and depress.

Today, the pastor is teaching us to do according to God’s will and the key is to be humble. We have to let go and let God. So I started thinking, the comment from “it”, is it the clue that God wants me to think about it? Am I being too proud of myself and forget to give all the honors to God? Am I being very self-centered that what people said about me is unacceptable to me?
I was struggling to come out with a conclusion. I hope that someone could just tell me that “Yeah, it’s your fault and you should change” or “Nope, it has nothing to do with you. You don’t have to be so upset”. Arrgh~ So what should I do?

I’m thinking that maybe “it” doesn’t mean the way I interpret and things are not just as bad as I thought. Perhaps I should just treat it as a reminder and try to do better next time. Yeah~
I shouldn’t be so upset, it’s nothing big deal. Everything will be fine. Yeah~

By the way, I have just a very nice movie just now during youth. It makes me think about it and maybe some of the concept I could apply in my daily life. It’s a testimony about how God could do things which are out of your expectation and imagination. The key is whether you have faith in God. Sometimes, actually every time, I’m very proud of myself. I depend a lot on myself, not that I never pray or distrusted God. I always think that I should at least do something so that I could lighten God’s burden. How silly I am?!

Can you imagine? I’m being so kind to offer some help to the almighty God. Yea, this movie makes me think and know how silly I am. God doesn’t need my help at all. He’s the creator of the world and he’s the master of my life. I might face a lot of difficulty and I might not be able to settle it myself. What can I do? Just leave it to God. Have faith, pray and leave it to God. He’ll make things done out of your imagination and expectation.

I have learned my lesson today. I just have to do my best and leave the rest to God. “With God, everything is possible”. Maybe I could just apply this theory to my sharing earlier. Why should I be so upset? God is taking care of everything. What I need to do is do my best and leave the rest to God.

Basically, these are something I would like to share today. Hopefully you have gained something from it. I’m not here to preach or teach, it just a sharing of my experience. Take care and have a nice day.

Here are sharing from my fren.
Always always remember,
When you can’t, GOD can..
When you are the neediest, He is the most sufficient.
When you are completely helpless, He is the most helpful.
When you are totally dependent, He is absolutely dependable.
When you are the weakest, He is the most able.
When you are most alone, He is intimately present.
When you feel the most useless, He is preparing you.

When it is the darkest, He is the Only Light you need..
When you feel the least secure, He is your Rock and Fortress..
When you are the most humble, He is most gracious.
In the course of life,
God has a plan for you.
In the hard times of life,
God has a HOPE for you..
In all of life,
God holds a LOVE for you….

I miss my home and I haven’t bought the ticket to go home during Raya. Ah, May, help me~^^

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Happy 21st B'day to MYSELF~~

Finally 21 years old d...

Time really flies and now I'm already 21 years old....

From today onwards, I need to be responsible for myself d....

I'm so blessed to hav a very nice family....

A humuor daddy, caring mummy and a lovely sister....oh ya, not fogetting my PET dog, Blessing...^^

Looking back, everything's so well-planned...

I hav no trouble with my family or friends...

everything is so smooth...

Though I almost lost my mummy when I'm young, but God is so good to me that He actually save mummy's life...

Moving from Penang to J.B, i hav no problem wif settling myself....

school life is memorable and i hav some very good frens that play an important role in my life....

I hav Jing Jing, Charmaine, Lee Ying, Wai Xin, Kok Kok and a lot more (Sorry, if i left anybody's name here)

Attending form 6 is another exciting life...

Its tough and boring, i wont deny that fact...

but its wonderful with Lai Lai, Vitha and Anna...

Lai Lai, especially, we eat together, play together, study together, lame together and her ultimate dream is bathe together...(sorry ya Lai, i nvr fulfil ur wish)

U life all together different from my secondary school life...

I get to meet May, Won Lin, Z, Maggie, Kah Voon, Yi Feng, my BIG wife...

not forgetting my housemates and my ex-roomates...

May alwiz bring me everywhere i need to go...

she's a very nice gal and she flies all the way from KL to JB jz to attend my b'day party...

so sweet of her...

My Lin Lin's a smart gal, taught me a lot of reality fact...

not forgetting Z, (my Fai Fai), haha, help me a lot to get through when I'm having troubles...

He's a very helpful person, he would spend time explaning to me the things that taught by teacher...a very intelligent guy...

My church family in Sg Ara Baptist Church is another sweet story...

They accept me as one of them and taught me a lot of things...

bout bible, bout the attitude in serving God, bout love n etc...

So i hav my second home in Penang...^^

Wow, so many ppl appear in my life and i cant possibly mention all...

but I really appreciate whatever u guys hav done for me...

Again, I wanna thank to those who attended my b'day party on 22nd of Aug...

thank you those who celebrated my b'day on 24th of Aug in Sg. Ara Baptist church...

thank you those who sent me all kind of b'day wishes through facebook or sms or e-mail...

and thank you in advance to those who are going to celebrate my b'day wif me ltr...

I feel really touched for everything u hav done for me...

Thank you for everything and lastly, thank God for everything...

He's the reason we know each other and he's the master of my life....

I shall stop here...If so happen I miss out ur name, sorry bout that.....

Take care and hav a nice day...

miss n love u lot...

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Jane Eyre: A Book Review

Hi all, long time din blog..(not tat long actually)

Well, y i keep on blogging bout books recently...

Eh, I'm studying Literature so basically I'm dealing with BOOKS~~

so here I'm, sharing my oral presentation that I'm going to present tomorrow morning...

Jane Eyre is one of my favourite book...^^

I really love the story and the way how a lady fights for her principles...

there are a lot of times she's facing all kind of struggles, and she tends to give up...

but she prays to God and she takes the right path....

I admire her attitude in facing life...

She holds on to her principles....

I hope tomorrow's presentation ll runs smoothly and really hope that they ll enjoy my presentation as I really want to share with them...

Everything ll be fine i hope and i jz nid 2 present my best...

Cant wait for tomorrow presentation...

Yeah...n I'm going home tomorrow's night...

so cool ya...^^

mummy misses me a lot la...wahahah...

k then, again, a reminder....

I'm having my 21st B'day Party on 22nd of Aug at 7p.m in my house....

See u guys then...

miss n love u lot...

muack muack...

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Animal Farm~

Animal Farm by George Orwell is a famous novel I guess...

n i'm currently doing a assignment on it...

my focus is on one of the minor chracters in the novel~~~~Boxer....

Boxer is the strongest animal in the farm but sad to say he is not intelligent or i would rather say he's stupid....

Actually, Boxer is born to be a tragedy cuz he doesnt has his own thought...

he follows everything blindly...

a person without his own thought would not be able to survive..

even he/she is able, her life would be in a miserable state...

Poor Boxer, he should be partly responsible with his tragic ending...

Things would be different if he has his own thought.

Sigh..Anyway, i'm done wif Boxer and i'm having lot of fun dealing wif him...

hopefully Dr. Suzana ll enjoy reading my assignment..

I hope wat i hav done is not nonsense to her...

Haha...

ll upload new post soon...

see ya..

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Happy B'day,my dear Lai Lai~^^

Happy 21st B'day~~