Sleepless Night~

Again, a sleepless night~Tomorrow is a very important day~Actually every Sunday is very important to me~

I was trying to sleep early few hours ago and since i failed to do so~I starting reading book, hopefully can get to sleep~However, after i finished the whole book, I still couldn't get to sleep~

So i on my laptop and get online~The 1st thing i did was on Facebook and on my RC~Haha, hopefully I'm not addicted to Facebook~^^

It is not a good thing to be addicted to Facebook~I dun wan to act like tat irresponsible doctor who caused his patient's death just because he's addicted to Facebook when he's having an operation~

Anyway, then I think of my blog~It has been a long time since I last blog~So decided to write a simple blog and also to try to feel sleepy and get back to sleep~Ah~

Till now, I'm still awake~What else can I do to get to sleep? Every time when I'm over-excited or nervous or stressed, I couldn't get to sleep~I really dun wan to admit this cause it shows that I'm a person who cannot endure stress which is not true~(At least to me it is not the case @.@)

Recently, The thought of having someone beside me keep on pester me~I keep on telling myself it's not the time yet and also I'm not sure what I wan~I'm currently staying alone in Penang~Without my family and friends (I mean U friends), it's kind of lonely and that's y the thought keep on pestering me~

Of course, I have my church's family to support me, somehow I'm feeling quite empty~It's a feeling very hard to describe~N considering my age, for 21 years, I've not been in a relationship before~Haha~I know it's very bad to get into a relationship just because I feel like getting it~That's y I keep on persuade myself not to do silly thing, but it's very hard for me to get rid of the thought to be silly~Ah~

I dunno what I want now~Things seem to be complicated or just me making things complicated? I dunno~Okay, I know what I should do now~Stop typing and try to get back to sleep~My brain is not working properly and that's y I'm talking nonsense here~K then, I shall stop here~ll try to update asap though I know nobody is reading~

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Dear Lai, I haven't my blog for a long time d~

Sometimes when I've mood to post, my internet is not working so i cannot do anything about it~

There're also time where the internet is functioning well while i dun hav the mood to write anything~

Today's great~I've the mood and the internet is functioning well and so I'm writing my blog post now~

Ok, I know I'm just talking nonsense all the way, but my nonsense got points wor~^^

Anyway, lets get back to the topic~

Now, it's 5 o'clock in the morning~Dun think i wake up so early to study la~I'm not tat guai~

I'm just having sleeping problem recently~

Starting fr last Sat (31/10/09), I've been having problem to sleep tight~

I'm tired, extremely tired but i just can't sleep tight~

I'll get up in the middle of the night and struggling to get back to sleep~

I didn't get any nap in the afternoon, so it's impossible to say tat i sleep too much in the day time tat's y i can't sleep at night~this theory doesn't apply on me~

Is it really because of stressed? Stressed could be desserts if you could reverse~

I've been working hard to achieve tat~

I'm trying to take things easy and make myself relax~

May ah, I'm not lying about everything is ok~

seriously everything is ok and under control~

but y can't i just sleep tight?! I tend to get very excited and awake~

My body is tired but I'm mentally awake~They are not coordinating well~

Sigh~How ah? I dun think my body can take this in long term~

In fact, i can feel tat my body's protesting~they nid sleep, tight and enough sleep~

Sigh, wat can i do to make myself asleep?!

Act, I'm having another problem in mind~

I've been teaching tuition and not getting any paid~

Not only tat, I've been paying petrol wif my own money~

I dunno how 2 tell the person in charge that even if u're not planing to pay me, could u pls kindly cover my petrol's fees?!

I feel like I'm putting my time, money and effort and gain nothing~

I mean of cuz i get satisfaction as a teacher to see my students improve~

but other than that, I'm doing for dunno wat reason and it's very illogical~(somehow stupid)

Well, I'm still thinking of ways to sort things out, but I'm hoping the person in charge could be more automatic la~

Talking about money is tough~

I think i shall stop here temporary~

I need to try again to get back to sleep~

I'll try to update more often, here and there, bit by bit~

Love u all~

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Mid-autumn Festival~

A lot of things happen recently yet I've not updated for long~Well, where should i start?

Ok, start wif my U-life~

Currently, I'm doing my last assignment and after that ll be my Final~

So really need to be prepared~

Recently, I have got a car from someone because I need it to work~

So working part time now as a tuition teacher~

Its not an easy job absolutely and somehow it's tougher than teaching kindergarten kids~

Sigh~But no worry, I'll hang on and do my best~

Today is mid-autumn festival~Wat ppl usually do on this day?

Eat mooncake, look at the moon, drink green tea and display lantern~

Well, i did none of it~I'm not feeling well act~

I din sleep well last nite, then today I'm supposed to help out in Dewan Sri Pinang for a concert~

Well, I'm asked to reach there by 12~

So i went out at 11 to make sure i reach there early~

I'm driving alone so the day before i hav asked my fren to teach me how 2 go thr~

My dear fren did bring me all the way to Dewan Sri Pinang and all the way back to my house~

So i thought everything ll be ok and 1 hour earlier is more than enough~

However, I took the wrong way and straight away I'm on the Penang Bridge where there's no turning point back to Penang~

Sigh~wat can i do?

I go all the way to Butterworth and then all the way back to Penang~

I buy the lesson for RM 7, excluding the petrol~

poor me~Anyway, I'm still grateful for today~

Thanks a lot Guo Feng Gor Gor, he guides me all the way back to Penang from Butterworth~

Phew~At tat time, nobody pick up my phone but him~

Ya, i should treat him a mooncake~Haha~

K then, i noe this post sounds a bit bored and meaningless~

Basically its jz a brief report on my life~ll update in detail soon, I hope~

Miss n love u lot~

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A Day Full of Nonsense~

Last night, I came back late. By the time I reached home is 2 a.m. Yap, I know it is very late and I should have gone back home earlier. The story goes this way. In the afternoon (4.9.2009), May called. She asked me to go for lunch with her. But I’m so bad, I rejected her for Special A Class (it is a Japanese animation). I keep on watching and watching and watching. I do nothing else but watching the animation. At last, May called again, asking me to go for dinner with her. I feel so bad when I know all the while she has been alone all by herself. Then I asked myself, “What kind of friend you are? You leave your friend alone for animation?”

So I went out with her for dinner and movie. It is fun. Really, I have no regret for spending time with her cause she’s my best friend in U. The best part comes after movie. We want to go back to USM from Gurney and passed by Green Lane Mcd to get an ice-cream. Guess what? We just realized how big Penang could be. We totally lost our way. I still remember, we came out from Gurney at around 11.30p.m and we spent more than 1 hour going back to USM without getting the ice-cream. Sigh, horrible? I know it’s horrible but I can do nothing about it. Anyway, on our way back to USM, somehow Won Lin appears on my mind and I just feel like calling her. Thanks to her, we didn’t go round and round the Penang the whole night. We rushed back to USM and decided to give up our precious, sweet ice-cream. So after hanging out with Won Lin, we go back home. Guess what I did after I reached home? Yap, of course, I take my shower 1st. Then, continue with my animation. So I ended up sleeping at 4 in the morning.

I tell myself; no way am I going to watch anything the next day. I really need to study. So here I am, after posting this post, I’m going to study. So let’s pray together that I would really study. Who knows what will I do after half an hour? Haha. I shall end here. Take care and have a nice day~

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No title~

I always feel that it is very tough for me to think of a good title for my blog post. Today, I have decided not to put any title for my post. I just want to share my feeling and thought and why should put a title for it. I’m not making the story and therefore, I have no title for it. Sorry for all the lame sentences. I just feel like doing some nonsense.

Today, Won Lin is asking help from us. She really needs somebody to help her in her debate circle. Actually, I really want to join her but thinking of every night’s stay back and preparation for the competition, I think I’m too old for it. Okay, I admit that it is just an excuse. I couldn’t commit in it as I could foresee the result. I don’t want to create more trouble for myself and I absolutely wouldn’t want to spoil the friendship between me and Won Lin. By the way, why am I so interested in joining the debate team in the first place? Well, I think I could develop well and learn a lot of new things from it. I joined debate before when I’m in form 3. It was a sweet memory; at least, thinking back from now, it is indeed sweet. Actually, it wasn’t that sweet at that time. We do quarrel and the team doesn’t really function well. Though I’m the leader for the team, I don’t feel my presence is important in the team. It seems to me like I’m the least important person in the team and even without me, they can still make it and maybe even better than when I’m in the team. Opps, I’m a bit off.

Back to the topic, so what is my topic? I don’t even have a topic and that’s why my thoughts run wildly and randomly. Normally, I don’t have class on Thursday. Thanks to our National Day (Independence Day) we are forced to make class replacement. The morning class is not that interesting, probably because all of us are only half-awake and could hardly focus on the discussion. By the time we are awake, the class ends. So I don’t really contribute much in the morning’s discussion. At night, I have another class replacement. Well, night class is always very excited. I’m sorry that I have not finished the book when I enter the class. Anyway, it is a very interesting class. We’re discussing about the book “The Buddha of the Suburbia” by Hanif Kureishi. I cannot comment anything about the book as I have not completed the book. I’ll share my thought when I complete the book. ^^

The whole day I feel like watching movie. Too bad, I never get the chance to watch it tonight. There are a lot of nice movies but I just can’t get companion to watch with me. Sigh.

My mind cannot function well anymore for the time being. Guess I’m too tired, so I better get a early rest and have a sweet dream. Take care everyone and have a nice day.

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Just some Sharing~~

I’m feeling very upset and tired now. Today is my 1st time to lead the worship team in Sg. Ara Baptist Church. I have been worship leader at the age of 14 in my own church. I’m not trying to show off or whatever, but I think I have done my best today.

I’am so nervous until I can’t sleep tight last night, I keep on thinking what I’m going to do today.
I keep on telling myself not to be nervous and it’s better for me to sleep early than imagine all kind of nonsense. I just can’t help to be nervous. It’s a totally different church, different people and different way.

I appreciate the church for giving me the chance to serve. It’s not easy, I know, to give the opportunity to the newbie to lead the “worship leader” role. I really think that I’ve done my best and after the Sunday Service, I still think that I’ve done a great job. I got a lot of good feedback and of course, I’m happy. Not to say I’m proud but happy in a way that I’ve done things well.
There’s one particular feedback that really make me think about it over and over.
“It” is saying (sorry, no offend, I’m not trying to objectify the person, just that I don’t want to make the person’s gender obvious, so I use “it”) that “Well, perhaps you have done quite well today and I could see the potential in you. But, somehow I think I can’t feel the existence of the Holy Spirit through your leading. Perhaps you’re not well-prepared”.

Actually, I feel very hurt at that time. It’s assumption that “I’m not well-prepared” hurts a lot. I mean you could say things like you have space of improvement or I believe you can do it better next time. “I think maybe you’re not well-prepared” really hurt me. I mean how you judge a person to say that he/she is not well-prepared when you’re not with he/her when she’s preparing the whole thing?

That’s my 1st thought when it’s talking to me. I’m quite upset but I manage to calm myself and show a very calm look and even to discuss the whole situation with it. After the conversation, I’m feeling very depress and I just wish I could find someone to talk about it. Is it the worship leader’s role to make the audiences feel the existence of the Holy Spirit? I thought my job is to lead the audiences to worship God and somehow the audiences have to play their role? All the thoughts keep running on my mind. I can’t stop myself from feeling upset and depress.

Today, the pastor is teaching us to do according to God’s will and the key is to be humble. We have to let go and let God. So I started thinking, the comment from “it”, is it the clue that God wants me to think about it? Am I being too proud of myself and forget to give all the honors to God? Am I being very self-centered that what people said about me is unacceptable to me?
I was struggling to come out with a conclusion. I hope that someone could just tell me that “Yeah, it’s your fault and you should change” or “Nope, it has nothing to do with you. You don’t have to be so upset”. Arrgh~ So what should I do?

I’m thinking that maybe “it” doesn’t mean the way I interpret and things are not just as bad as I thought. Perhaps I should just treat it as a reminder and try to do better next time. Yeah~
I shouldn’t be so upset, it’s nothing big deal. Everything will be fine. Yeah~

By the way, I have just a very nice movie just now during youth. It makes me think about it and maybe some of the concept I could apply in my daily life. It’s a testimony about how God could do things which are out of your expectation and imagination. The key is whether you have faith in God. Sometimes, actually every time, I’m very proud of myself. I depend a lot on myself, not that I never pray or distrusted God. I always think that I should at least do something so that I could lighten God’s burden. How silly I am?!

Can you imagine? I’m being so kind to offer some help to the almighty God. Yea, this movie makes me think and know how silly I am. God doesn’t need my help at all. He’s the creator of the world and he’s the master of my life. I might face a lot of difficulty and I might not be able to settle it myself. What can I do? Just leave it to God. Have faith, pray and leave it to God. He’ll make things done out of your imagination and expectation.

I have learned my lesson today. I just have to do my best and leave the rest to God. “With God, everything is possible”. Maybe I could just apply this theory to my sharing earlier. Why should I be so upset? God is taking care of everything. What I need to do is do my best and leave the rest to God.

Basically, these are something I would like to share today. Hopefully you have gained something from it. I’m not here to preach or teach, it just a sharing of my experience. Take care and have a nice day.

Here are sharing from my fren.
Always always remember,
When you can’t, GOD can..
When you are the neediest, He is the most sufficient.
When you are completely helpless, He is the most helpful.
When you are totally dependent, He is absolutely dependable.
When you are the weakest, He is the most able.
When you are most alone, He is intimately present.
When you feel the most useless, He is preparing you.

When it is the darkest, He is the Only Light you need..
When you feel the least secure, He is your Rock and Fortress..
When you are the most humble, He is most gracious.
In the course of life,
God has a plan for you.
In the hard times of life,
God has a HOPE for you..
In all of life,
God holds a LOVE for you….

I miss my home and I haven’t bought the ticket to go home during Raya. Ah, May, help me~^^

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Happy 21st B'day to MYSELF~~

Finally 21 years old d...

Time really flies and now I'm already 21 years old....

From today onwards, I need to be responsible for myself d....

I'm so blessed to hav a very nice family....

A humuor daddy, caring mummy and a lovely sister....oh ya, not fogetting my PET dog, Blessing...^^

Looking back, everything's so well-planned...

I hav no trouble with my family or friends...

everything is so smooth...

Though I almost lost my mummy when I'm young, but God is so good to me that He actually save mummy's life...

Moving from Penang to J.B, i hav no problem wif settling myself....

school life is memorable and i hav some very good frens that play an important role in my life....

I hav Jing Jing, Charmaine, Lee Ying, Wai Xin, Kok Kok and a lot more (Sorry, if i left anybody's name here)

Attending form 6 is another exciting life...

Its tough and boring, i wont deny that fact...

but its wonderful with Lai Lai, Vitha and Anna...

Lai Lai, especially, we eat together, play together, study together, lame together and her ultimate dream is bathe together...(sorry ya Lai, i nvr fulfil ur wish)

U life all together different from my secondary school life...

I get to meet May, Won Lin, Z, Maggie, Kah Voon, Yi Feng, my BIG wife...

not forgetting my housemates and my ex-roomates...

May alwiz bring me everywhere i need to go...

she's a very nice gal and she flies all the way from KL to JB jz to attend my b'day party...

so sweet of her...

My Lin Lin's a smart gal, taught me a lot of reality fact...

not forgetting Z, (my Fai Fai), haha, help me a lot to get through when I'm having troubles...

He's a very helpful person, he would spend time explaning to me the things that taught by teacher...a very intelligent guy...

My church family in Sg Ara Baptist Church is another sweet story...

They accept me as one of them and taught me a lot of things...

bout bible, bout the attitude in serving God, bout love n etc...

So i hav my second home in Penang...^^

Wow, so many ppl appear in my life and i cant possibly mention all...

but I really appreciate whatever u guys hav done for me...

Again, I wanna thank to those who attended my b'day party on 22nd of Aug...

thank you those who celebrated my b'day on 24th of Aug in Sg. Ara Baptist church...

thank you those who sent me all kind of b'day wishes through facebook or sms or e-mail...

and thank you in advance to those who are going to celebrate my b'day wif me ltr...

I feel really touched for everything u hav done for me...

Thank you for everything and lastly, thank God for everything...

He's the reason we know each other and he's the master of my life....

I shall stop here...If so happen I miss out ur name, sorry bout that.....

Take care and hav a nice day...

miss n love u lot...

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