Just some Sharing~~

I’m feeling very upset and tired now. Today is my 1st time to lead the worship team in Sg. Ara Baptist Church. I have been worship leader at the age of 14 in my own church. I’m not trying to show off or whatever, but I think I have done my best today.

I’am so nervous until I can’t sleep tight last night, I keep on thinking what I’m going to do today.
I keep on telling myself not to be nervous and it’s better for me to sleep early than imagine all kind of nonsense. I just can’t help to be nervous. It’s a totally different church, different people and different way.

I appreciate the church for giving me the chance to serve. It’s not easy, I know, to give the opportunity to the newbie to lead the “worship leader” role. I really think that I’ve done my best and after the Sunday Service, I still think that I’ve done a great job. I got a lot of good feedback and of course, I’m happy. Not to say I’m proud but happy in a way that I’ve done things well.
There’s one particular feedback that really make me think about it over and over.
“It” is saying (sorry, no offend, I’m not trying to objectify the person, just that I don’t want to make the person’s gender obvious, so I use “it”) that “Well, perhaps you have done quite well today and I could see the potential in you. But, somehow I think I can’t feel the existence of the Holy Spirit through your leading. Perhaps you’re not well-prepared”.

Actually, I feel very hurt at that time. It’s assumption that “I’m not well-prepared” hurts a lot. I mean you could say things like you have space of improvement or I believe you can do it better next time. “I think maybe you’re not well-prepared” really hurt me. I mean how you judge a person to say that he/she is not well-prepared when you’re not with he/her when she’s preparing the whole thing?

That’s my 1st thought when it’s talking to me. I’m quite upset but I manage to calm myself and show a very calm look and even to discuss the whole situation with it. After the conversation, I’m feeling very depress and I just wish I could find someone to talk about it. Is it the worship leader’s role to make the audiences feel the existence of the Holy Spirit? I thought my job is to lead the audiences to worship God and somehow the audiences have to play their role? All the thoughts keep running on my mind. I can’t stop myself from feeling upset and depress.

Today, the pastor is teaching us to do according to God’s will and the key is to be humble. We have to let go and let God. So I started thinking, the comment from “it”, is it the clue that God wants me to think about it? Am I being too proud of myself and forget to give all the honors to God? Am I being very self-centered that what people said about me is unacceptable to me?
I was struggling to come out with a conclusion. I hope that someone could just tell me that “Yeah, it’s your fault and you should change” or “Nope, it has nothing to do with you. You don’t have to be so upset”. Arrgh~ So what should I do?

I’m thinking that maybe “it” doesn’t mean the way I interpret and things are not just as bad as I thought. Perhaps I should just treat it as a reminder and try to do better next time. Yeah~
I shouldn’t be so upset, it’s nothing big deal. Everything will be fine. Yeah~

By the way, I have just a very nice movie just now during youth. It makes me think about it and maybe some of the concept I could apply in my daily life. It’s a testimony about how God could do things which are out of your expectation and imagination. The key is whether you have faith in God. Sometimes, actually every time, I’m very proud of myself. I depend a lot on myself, not that I never pray or distrusted God. I always think that I should at least do something so that I could lighten God’s burden. How silly I am?!

Can you imagine? I’m being so kind to offer some help to the almighty God. Yea, this movie makes me think and know how silly I am. God doesn’t need my help at all. He’s the creator of the world and he’s the master of my life. I might face a lot of difficulty and I might not be able to settle it myself. What can I do? Just leave it to God. Have faith, pray and leave it to God. He’ll make things done out of your imagination and expectation.

I have learned my lesson today. I just have to do my best and leave the rest to God. “With God, everything is possible”. Maybe I could just apply this theory to my sharing earlier. Why should I be so upset? God is taking care of everything. What I need to do is do my best and leave the rest to God.

Basically, these are something I would like to share today. Hopefully you have gained something from it. I’m not here to preach or teach, it just a sharing of my experience. Take care and have a nice day.

Here are sharing from my fren.
Always always remember,
When you can’t, GOD can..
When you are the neediest, He is the most sufficient.
When you are completely helpless, He is the most helpful.
When you are totally dependent, He is absolutely dependable.
When you are the weakest, He is the most able.
When you are most alone, He is intimately present.
When you feel the most useless, He is preparing you.

When it is the darkest, He is the Only Light you need..
When you feel the least secure, He is your Rock and Fortress..
When you are the most humble, He is most gracious.
In the course of life,
God has a plan for you.
In the hard times of life,
God has a HOPE for you..
In all of life,
God holds a LOVE for you….

I miss my home and I haven’t bought the ticket to go home during Raya. Ah, May, help me~^^

=En En=
=1740=